I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
