he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
