I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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