I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
