You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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