It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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