We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
