So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
pray to the hookup gods
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
