i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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