dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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