Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
