What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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