I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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