So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
