I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
