a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
