Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
