got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
