I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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