vagina is talking i cant
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
