so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think people are normalizing furries
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
