He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
