Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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