Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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