So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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