oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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