I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
