Just fell off a train. Bad.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think my vagina is haunted
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
