I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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