You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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