Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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