So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize