She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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