Please, let me fuck your mom
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
