Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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