Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
