I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I said "one day" and that day is not today
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
