do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
