I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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