I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
