This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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