i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
