you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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