I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
