Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
