chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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