oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we're making bets on your personal life
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
