Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
