I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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