I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
