Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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