escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
