you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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