weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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