She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
