We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
