Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
