Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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