my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
