Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
