Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize