Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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