Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
