I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
