You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
