i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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