Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
