bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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